Women complain that men are too complicated. Actually we are the total opposite. Men are the easiest creatures that God has created to understand. I mean if you look at us you can understand us. We dont hide anything. We are as upfront with everything we do as we can get. Ladies on the other had you are so complex that we need an instruction maunal to understand your operating system. Men we are stuck on windows 95 while you are on windows 10k. Lets really think about this... just from the point of a woman breaking up with her boyfriend... the whole conversation starts off with...


Her; Sigh... umm its not you its me.
Him: ok? then what about you?
Her: I just need some space.
Him: How much more space do you need? Im sitting across the table from you.
Her: I cant breathe.
Him: We are outside having dinner in all this air. Are you having an asthma attack?
Her: This isnt going to work out.
Him: Its cool this is the best seat I could get at short notice


as you can see with women you always have to be ready to read between the lines... now with men we are just straight to the point...


Him: Im dating your sister
Her: What?
Him: And your mom
Her: How you....
Him: Your best friend
Her: After all that I did for you?
Him: Wait I aint done... Your choir directress, two girls on your job, your hairstylist, and the Korean lady that does your nails.... wait... the fat chick on the corner from you that always smells like cupcakes and twinkies...

Have you ever been at a point where everything you did just seemed like it was for nothing?

  It amazes me how these kids want instant gratification from everything they do... I mean they dont even want to do what is necessary to answer 5 questions on an assignment. You think that somewhere in life they would understand that everything isnt just going to jump out at them and say "HEY!!!! HERE IS THE ANSWER, WRITE ME DOWN!".

  I sit here and look at the future of what we are about to release into the world and wonder how they are going to make it... I will never call a child stupid.... but really??? How can you expect to be productive in society and you find it hard to follow simple directions?

Teachers and Students

Teachers lately are starting to be  HOTTT.... I mean where where all the cute teachers when I was is school? These female teachers now are getting it in with students. I remember there was one techer named Ms. Mosely at Lowell Longfellow School in 1983... I'm sure no one would want that she looked like a cross between Jobba The Hutt and The Quaker Oats man!

Y is it u can tell the more experienced dancers by the height of the shoe? The taller the longer she's been dancing!

Wait!!! Bobby brown isn't invited to the funeral? WOW!!!! Guess they don't have nothing in common anymore.

Had the day off... Needed a rest. Hung out wit my dad. That made me feel so much better.... Now I can see a lil more clearly! Let's get it!!!

PLAY YOUR POSITION

Well its Valentines Day... Ladies to be honest... if you havent had a phone call or even a text from your man (or who you think is your man) well maybe he isnt your MAN. If you arent the first one contacted you may not be number 1.. So learn to play your postition... because if you are number 2 you have a great chance to be number 1 if she gets cut from the team. and number 3 has hope to be number 1 but you have to find away to get the other 2 out of the way... So #3 devises a way that will cause you to take out the #1 chick to get the #2 chick sent to jail so you can slide up to #1.  The problem is that #3 will never be #1 because he will just go a draft 2 new players to the team that is better than the one coming of the bench

Comedy can be a very rewarding career... the problem is that it can also be the most dreaded career also. This game can be therapuetic to all those invovled or it can cause you to have very low self esteem. I realize that all comedians do not become famous. But you have to be content with where God has allowed your career to go. I believe that everything we do is either within the willl of God or outside his will. Ultimately it is his decision that we go as far as we have or not. Comedians believe that if we put in all this worka and play to all these audiences that we eventually change the game with their brand of comedy... but my question is this... do you wanna change the game or do you wanna free a mind from the stresses that people face for that short amount of time that you are on stage?

I just saw the worlds first cubs tattoo!!!!! Wow!

Why don't strippers shoes ever fit? They aways got big toe over hang!!!

I was at a strip club one night and the dancer was so out of shape trying to hold up herself on the pole her arms were clapping like booty meat!

Dog Food

UMMMM yeah.. when a dog food company claims that the dog food has more chicken flavor... Who's job is it to taste the food?

Snow!

Why did it have to snow this weekend? I have maojr plans... I am driving to somepart of a small town in Wisconsin for a wedding and its snowing all weekend? Really... I have a 3 hour drive and its going to snow... wow... oh well i will be burning up the highway getting the wind to my back and celebrating with a couple of coworkers in marriage... I just pray that they dont have an open microphone because the groom will be getting a 20 minute roast from yours truly...

I wonder who has the job to count the sheets on the toilet paper roll?

Really?

I swear I just saw something in the past week that I wasnt going to say anything about... Ummmmmmmm I was out and saw a teenaged girl sitting across a table from another young lady, rubbing her nipples... Really? you just going to start the party at McDonalds right infront of playland

Valentines Day

I wonder how many women stopped taking their birth control pills to get pregnant on Valentines Day?

Yup... I must be getting older.... I'm starting to get random extra long nose hair!!!

8th Feb

  Today is the first attempt to ressurect my writing... I am minister, father of two very handsome boys, school behaviorist, and a stand up comedian. God being the biggest part of my life is very important to me.  But the hard part is trying to balance out my life and how to be the man of God that I am while wanting to press for a better career in stand up.
 
  I have been stagnant in all that I have been wanting to do... Im still trying to figure out whether I want to stay in comedy.I love the fact that I am able to stand flat footed in a room on a stage and make a room full of strangers laugh. But I love the fact that God has blessed me to be called into the ministry even more.

  The comedy business is very cut throat. I have seen comics get into physical confrontations because one said a word that another used in a joke. There really isnt any real kind of brotherhood in the game anymore. There were times when comics would call each other and darn near force each other on stage. Now its an "ALL ABOUT ME" generation. What can I do to undercut the next man to get myself to where I wanna go? Who can I step on to get me over the next hurdle?

  God being the absolute BEST in my life has given so many of us a gift that we are to use for his glory. But why dont we? Is it that we are scared? Is it because we dont know how to approach the people of God with our talents that may bless someone else? I'm too tired of being in this mood... Comedy is great. But even in the realm of "CHRISTIAN COMEDY" there is a lot of nonsense too... bookers only book the ones that will kiss their butts. How can you stand to have audience members and comics (performing on your show) ask you if a comic is on the show and you constantly say no... Funny isnt it?

  I understand business and having a budget and all that good stuff... I understand having to produce a show takes a lot of marketing and prep time.. But dont lead people onto your pipe dreams. yeah God may have big things in store bure. But make sure that they dream is of God and not yourself. Bookers have had comics on hold for too long waiting for a chance to hit the stage. Saying "We got somethings in the workd that I am going to need you for. I got a 47 city tour and want you to go and open for me." Then when you aregetting the tour together, you dont speak no more.. all on Facebook talking about shows youre doing in and around the nation...

  Some people just make it too hard to be a stand up comic. The ones that really LOVE the art are the ones that are truly suffering.